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What the Darkness Kills
Alyzn always promised himself that he was worth something. He always had a lifeline to cling to. But when it breaks, everything comes crashing down. Darkness envelopes his world... will he survive it?
Yes, I am posting this story now. And yes, I will continue TSNF. I just needed to write something dark. I hope you enjoy!
A flaming passion. A burning love. It was all going to disappear- I didn't want to lose it. Did I want it in the first place? Could it ever have lasted? Could it ever have been... real?
I would never know.
The truth... the honest truth. Did it even exist?
Was this it?
Why did it have to be so hard?
The world around me was so dark. Obsidian black. I couldn't see anything... but I knew that one more step meant that it could all come to an end.
I wanted it to end.
Nothing made sense. My mind was a jumbled mess of emotions that I couldn't decipher. I heard the voice of my subconscious... Of what my true inner desire was...
Take the leap.
One more step.
The images flashed through my mind. Of what would happen... of the faces of my loved ones...
The hesitation only killed me further.
I wanted to do it.
I needed to do it.
I had no purpose anywhere else.
Just take the last step.
I looked behind me.
Just darkness... just an endless shadow.
I felt it, I felt the way the darkness swirled inside of my soul.
Everything... just pure black.
The shadows, they were drowning me. I couldn't last much longer.
The probable answer...
Not when the darkness was out to kill.
The darkness is coming.
It is what it isn't.
Your fate rests,
Deep in the soul of Alyzn.
I had a good life. I lived in a good home. I ate good food. I'd never witnessed a loved one die. I'd never had a loved one hurt me- intentionally, at least.
So that should mean that I should have been happy, right?
Why wasn't I?
It was stupid, really. To feel so pained all the time. I had no right, not when my life was perfectly OK.
I sighed. It wasn't a good time to spiral.
I sat under the shade of a large tree, with emerald leaves fanning out above me. The moist ground below me was refreshing. But I couldn't relax.
In the leaves, I saw her eyes. In the glistening water, I saw her pristine scales.
She was torturing me. It was unfair. I rarely even saw her, but when I did, I felt a pain so deep and real it killed me.
The way she dismissed me with Hello!
I read into her cheery tone too much. I wanted to know how she was so happy. I wanted her to tell me her life story. I wanted to spend all my time by her side, just listening to her.
But then she'd walk away.
And every time, I'd feel like I'd just been rejected.
How did she do this to me?
She left me so helpless... every time she'd walk away.
I closed my eyes, but even then, I couldn't not think of her. Of what our future could be. Of the moment when I confessed, and what she would say.
I needed to confess. I couldn't hold in these feelings forever...
But I couldn't confess. I couldn't let her know. I couldn't ruin what relationship we had now.
"Alyzn?" I looked up, broken out of my entranced state of mind.
There she was, right before me, her friends behind her, all oblivious to my existence.
"Kasilaa!" I stood, shaking myself off. She smiled, and my heart sped up.
It was so perfect. In every way. Her eyes lit up, and the whole world seemed to brighten. Just because of that smile. Her smile.
"You look down, everything okay?" She asked.
She noticed things like that. It was brilliant. She could just read me so easily.
"I'm fine," I nodded.
A lie, obviously. But a good one. She didn't need to be worried. Plus, her smile lifted my spirits so much, I had no reason to complain.
She nodded in return, and began walking away.
And there it was.
My heart just felt like it was on fire, burning slowly and painfully. A burn that couldn't be healed, by anything or anyone but her.
When I looked up again, she was gone. I wanted to follow her... but I didn't want to scare her. I also didn't want her to be alone.
"Urgh," I muttered under my breath. She made this so hard.
I walked away, silently allowing utter sadness to fill my soul, drowning out all other emotions. I waded through shallow water, and each droplet that hit my scales brought me deeper into my spiral.
I wasn't good enough for her.
She deserved better.
I wanted to be good enough for her... I wanted her to love me. I wanted her to be happy, with me.
I had to stop thinking about her. If I thought too much more, I might just die of longing.
I tried to shift gears. But then I noticed the dragons staring me down, and all I could feel was insecurity.
I was a creepy freak. Long thin legs, thin frame, beady eyes, I was creepy. I just didn't like knowing that people thought of me that way.
Did she think of me that way?
She had no idea how much she tortured me, even when she was far out of sight.
I squinted as light flooded my vision. It was early in the afternoon. Somehow, I'd managed to get a few hours of sleep.
Groggily, I stood. My throat was dry, so I staggered to a pool of water and lapped at it, downing it. I considered food for a moment, but decided against it.
My heart still hung low in my chest, after my over-dramatic reaction to seeing Kasilaa the previous day.
I spread my wings wide and took to the sky, flying high above the wetlands I called home.
Away from insecurities.
Away from fear.
Away from desperate longing.
And yet... she followed me. Everywhere I went, I felt her there. Everytime I felt worthless or alone, I could imagine her smile, I could see our future. She comforted me and tortured me at the same time.
I flapped my wings and glided higher into the sky, above the clouds.
And then I saw her.
She glided right beside me, smiling that beautiful smile. My whole word felt brighter.
Kasilaa. I tried to glide closer to her... but then she disappeared.
Everything went cold.
Reality hit me hard, reminding me exactly how cruel the truth was. An icy breeze washed over me, leaving me cold inside and out.
My wings went limp, and I began plummeting.
I didn't even try to stop myself.
I didn't have any reason to.
She wasn't there.
She never would be.
So I fell.
And I fell...
Wind whipped past me, my surroundings blurred. I closed my eyes. A pain seared through my right wing as something sharp tore through it. I cried out, but didn't do anything more. I just let myself hit a rocky ground with a thud.
And I just lay there. Taking in long, raspy breaths, I tried to accept reality.
But I couldn't.
Not if it was this cold. This...
My wing ached, a painful sting indicating a new injury.. When I opened my eyes just to take a look, I saw her again. Sitting beside me. Smiling at me like everything was going to be okay.
I tried to sit up, tried to reach for her, I wanted to be with her. I wanted her to make the pain go away. But the moment I reached out for her... she disappeared. Agony flooded my veins as I watched her image fade, a pain both physical and mental.
I was so alone without her.
I stood, accepting the excruciating pain that followed. I probably deserved it. I was being irrational.
I scanned the small rocky island I stood on, and suddenly, the pain dissipated.
All I could feel was fear.
I was surrounded by the corpses of dragons.
Thank you Deep for the amazing cover art, and for all of your inspiration and assistance!